Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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