smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
