I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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