Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
