Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were trust falling into bushes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
