her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
