why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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