Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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