So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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