Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
