were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
