alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
