When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
