let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
