so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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