the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
