I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
