I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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