I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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