I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
