If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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