so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
