you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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