It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
