Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
