woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
