Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
