In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
