They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you had me at cake vodka
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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