I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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