I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
