who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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