New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As shirtless as possible
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
