When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
