how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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