Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
