You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
