no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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