those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
