my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
