I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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