I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
