These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
