Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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