while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
