why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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