Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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