My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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