i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Congratulations! We have a period
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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