I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
