Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
