I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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