yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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