Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
