Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
