nut hugger
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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