My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
