I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
